Identity Complex

This previous week a discussion arose in the media over  the popular modern hymn "In Christ Alone".  I first became aware of the public discussion due to a post from the EFCA on my facebook feed.  It took me by surprise and I found myself mulling over how and why their response to the issue came across in a such a negative light.  The discussion was one that had already been started between myself and my pastor earlier this spring.  At first, the fact that we even had the discussion, which centered on the text of the lyrics, bothered me. How can I serve in ministry with someone or a denomination that questions the text of a hymn heralded for its theological content?  I'm so glad we had the discussion.  I work in an honest environment that gives me the space to live out respectfully my faith and not feel out of place.  See my pastor's response to the public discussion here.

Still feeling pretty new to the PCUSA, I tend to chew on some of the differences that come across my path and run them through the gammit of evangelical litmus I have always known.  The fun part is running the litmus on my own, and not feeling like the black sheep for having a different view.  I appreciate being a part of a church that allows discussion of differences and doesn't get hung up over them.

So where does my identity complex come from?  On occasion, I have vocalized that I am a product of the Evangelical Free Church.  I speak it in jest, yet from age 12 I have been taught, mentored, encouraged, and still am by faithful men and women who align themselves with the EFCA.  It is a beautiful thing because I know my faith would not be as strong without the saints God has placed in my life.  And thus, after worshiping, earning my bachelors, interning, and serving with the EFCA, my first "real job" in music ministry has placed me in a Presbyterian Church.  I'm sure this decision has given me a couple skeptics, and it definitely has placed a few "really?" glances when I tell others where I get to serve in ministry.  It's a bit disorienting.   I'm not a traitor.  I haven't gone over to the dark side.  I love Jesus.  The ultimate act of love from God is the death and resurrection of Christ on the cross which is the only way for the broken relationship caused by sin to be restored.

I can't say I'm wholly Evangelical.  I can't say I'm wholly Presbyterian.  These are labels that define where I serve but not who I am.  I am a disciple of Christ who strives to be open to God's direction through the Holy Spirit and desires to encourage the local church to seek God in a way that allows them to impact the world.

Feeling Humbled

Today I met with a group of amazing people.  It consisted of a handful of our church leaders, the team that is supporting us from the presbytery as the church grows and develops, and our very own friends group.  I had never met with all these people in one room before.  I hadn't met some of them prior to this afternoon.  In fact, I didn't even realize how many people outside our congregation have been involved in getting us started. Simply put, it is beautiful. There are so many moving pieces, ideas, prayers, and hands pushing forward God's Kingdom.  And guess what....I get to be a part of it!

What has humbled me most is that while I plug away, pray, and try to figure out what my next steps are as a music ministry leader, there is a group of people that believe in me, and seem to have no doubt that I am in the right place and headed in the right direction.  A blatant expression of appreciation took me aback as this past week I struggled with my own insecurity of feeling inadequate in my position.  

I am once again reminded that pursuing life on God's terms and not my own will supercede the traps that Satan plays with.  My music, ministry, and life are part of something much bigger than myself.  I am a part of the church.  The local church, and the universal church.  While that thought is part of what is daunting and causes me to cross-check my ministry at all turns, it is also the thought that gives me encouragement.  To be a part of something so much larger than myself is beautiful; and it is comforting.